Ava Antoinette turns ONE tomorrow. I’m SO emotional about it, so many mixed feelings. How has a year passed already- and I only feel now like I’m getting the hang of things?
It’s been an incredibly tough year. From two single people, we have become parents, and a family. I have learnt so much about myself, about our relationship and about Andrew. Becoming a mother has surprised me, overwhelmed me at times, and enabled me to feel love and a protective instinct like no other. The strength of this love is incredible, and I never knew it was possible.
Motherhood is TOUGH. I found it really hard at the beginning, and there’s no shame in that. From someone who has succeeded at most things in life, suddenly I wasn’t perfect. I didn’t have a clue what I was doing, I was making it up as I went along, and I had an overwhelming desire to be GOOD at it. It took me a long time to realise that at the beginning I was ill. My neurotic obsession with Ava, routine, cleaning, endless anxiety was PND, and hopefully I’ll never feel that way again. It has taken me even longer to forgive myself for being ill. Hell, it’s probably only been the last few months that I have truly felt like the mother I thought I would be. And that we all do our best, and we are Amazing at what we do.
SO, highlights of our year!
- Ava’s newborn photo shoot at five days old
- The first time we took her to the park, with her cousin Charlie.
- Andrew’s birthday when Ava was one week old- it was beautiful to be able to buy a ‘Happy Birthday Daddy’ cards and have Ava home safely and healthy for his birthday.
- Attending my local NCT early days class, and meeting some amazing woman and babies. This was the place where I started to feel like I was doing an ok job, and I’m not sure what I would have done sometimes, at 2am, without the support of these woman who were going through exactly the same things as me.
- Introducing her to our wider family at my Mum’s 50th birthday.
- Our first family holiday to Woolley Grange Hotel.
- Our trip to Barbados.
- Going back to work, Ava starting nursery, and making the transition from full-time-mother-on-leave to working-studying mum!
- Ava’s first Christmas.
Ava at ONE
Ava took her first few steps this week! She did one first, and then a few days ago did four in a row! She hasn’t done any since, she just smiles to herself when you set her up to do it- and crouches down to crawl. She knows she can, though.
She can say lots of animal words, and imitates a lot of sounds. She has lots of conversations with herself and us, and leaves lovely pauses for you to answer her back.
She points to what she wants, or where she wants to go. She’s bossy, and will let you know exactly what she wants!
She sings along to songs, and loves to shake rattles and play drums.
She can feed herself with her fork and spoon, but is happy to let us do it if she’s hungry or tired!
Tomorrow we plan to have some family time in the morning, as we both have the day off, and take Ava swimming. She used to have lessons every week but we had to miss a couple of terms as we went on holiday and back to work so we would have missed too many lessons. We don’t want Ava to lose those skills but definitely haven’t been good enough at taking her regularly, so a trip to the local pool is on the cards! Then in the afternoon we are having a family tea party. Just a small cake and some treats, and a chance for Ava to wear her new party outfit and show it off to the rest of the family- I’ll post it here after!
Thank you for all of my new subscribers and your ongoing support, emails, comments and reads! When I started this blog (at the beginning of my pregnancy- you can read the first one here), I never imagined anyone else would be interested in reading it, over 18 months later. So its touching to see my stats, and I love reading your posts, too.
Finally, thank you to Andrew, and my family. We did it! Made it to a year- and what a year it’s been.
Until next time,